30. Facing Facts, Hiding Truths

20/11/08

We hit another low yesterday, but we had to fight it. Facing facts, if we don't make them know we're here, then the inside of this wall is all we've got and the world is closed to us - no rivers, no mountains, no sea, no cities; no families, no friends, no neighbours. I won't go on, I can already feel the panic rising, the tightness in my chest.
No, we have to stay positive, to act. If we collapse, so do our chances of leaving.

So we pulled ourselves up, made each other focus, took it in turns to be strong. We planned. Each time a new consequence, problem, obstacle hit one of us, knocking us to despair, the other stayed calm, had a solution, helped the other back to standing.

We agreed. They must have had to clear an area around the wall. Must have to keep people away. To stop the infection they think is still here. So no one's there to hear us banging or notice the bell or pick up our notes. We need to think bigger. Start to search. Look for some kind of transmitter. Make the fire and sign we talked about. Get up high, find out what's on the other side, find out if we can get over.

We need to think about what we eat and what we're going to eat. No more snacking on what we fancy. Balanced meals. And we need to look for fresher foods. There must be vegetable gardens, fruit trees. We need to think ahead, be realisitic. We could be here another month and we need to stay healthy.

There's one more. But it's too enormous, too scary and it doesn't make sense. We're hiding it from ourselves. Keeping the focus on staying healthy and getting out. Hoping that getting out comes first.